Ann's Anntics

She did it again... I cannot believe this woman. She is without a doubt the most cruel, power consumed person I have ever met. She absolutely cannot think of anything positive to say to anyone unless it butters her bread. I am in disbelief. In my twelve years of teaching I have never met an administrator like her. Today it was my co-worker who was the brunt of her madness. Nicole is the most positive person I know. She has an uncanny wit and a presence among the students that is compelling. Today, she was near tears. I cannot believe that 36 days before the end of school we are being "molded" into the teachers we "should have been" all year. What a ludicrous position this woman has taken. Not only that, none of us will be returning to her campus because our jobs have ended. Sixth grade will no longer be housed on her campus. So, she is doing this heroic reshaping of our methods and ideology so that we can implement it after state testing and then leave it on her doorstep? She is an absolute idiot. One of my coworkers is a 33 year veteran of teaching. Can you imagine? Why would you want to create such an atmosphere of tension and resentment? I will NEVER understand.

I hope at least one person in authority reads this and recognizes how absolutely ridiculous micromanagement is.

Ann's Anntics

Another Day... Well, it is Thursday night and I have survived another day. Today I looked around my room at school and thought about my profession. It is amazing what teachers are asked to do. I spent some time in my adult life in the corporate world. I had a demanding job and absolutely loved it. It was only after working my way through a maze of responsibilities and ending up with no job because of a corporate buyout that I decided to come back to teaching. I read Tuesdays with Maury and felt this inspiration to go back to teaching. I need to read it again. My inspiration has been replaced by perspiration and frustration. I find our responsibilities endless, our accomplishments minimized and often unrecognized, our daily duties constantly increasing and our professionalism undermined by arbitrary standards. It is impossible to determine the effectiveness of a teacher in a year. I told my students the other day that I want them to come see me in 20 to 25 years. They will be in their mid-thirties. Maybe then I will know if I made a difference in their lives. Maybe then THEY will know if I made a difference in their lives. I cannot undo parental apathy or overindulgence. I can only work to create a relationship that allows me to influence them slightly and teach them to love to learn.

The father of one of my students told me the other night that he didn't worry about whether his son really did all that well in school. His son is very bright and can be quite a delightful young man but upon lamenting I wished he would meet his academic potential, his father informed me that in the end it was really people skills that would make the difference for his son. He is not worried about whether or not he reaches his academic potential. I looked at him and thought, "Well thanks for negating the validity of my purpose. I'll just try to help him be a good bullshitter and that will make him a success in life."

On the other hand, the same man bemoaned the money he would make with a master's degree if he started teaching school...after all, teachers shapee the lives of the children of America. This really is a hard profession. System Analyst was a snap and people ooed and awed at that title. I rarely brought home work. I didn't agonize over what to do and how to do it. My opinion was valued and my judgement trusted. Now, my opinion absolutely doesn't matter and my judgement is questioned every day.

No child left behind makes for great politics but our education system breeds apathy for students and burn out for teachers. Something is wrong with how Americans look at education.

Another Day...

A Day without Incident Believe it or not I was alone today. The problem is, I still was in my room afraid that the door would open. It is the strangest feeling to be "fearful" someone will enter my room. I have never felt that way in my entire teaching career. I have always said, "Come on in...any time!" Now, I want to scream, "Please, leave me alone. Don't bother us. We are trying to learn!" The big test is a week from Tuesday. I am so ready. I realize some of my students aren't. I don't think I could ever get them ready. I can't make them think. I can't make them think about what they are doing. Some just want steps...one, two, three, the Answer! The problems are no longer that way. When I was young we worked 100 of the same problem over and over. Now, every problem is different. There is no feeling of accomplishment for the student, especially if they "don't get it." It is only confusion and "this one isn't like the last one." I don't know what to tell them other than to THINK about what they are doing. Understand the why they are doing it so that they understand the how when it looks just a little different or comes from the back side of it. I want to tell them, they have to do it. They have to learn how to think. And then I think, you are 11 years old. Why do I think you should act 40? I don't know how to help them, I really don't.

So, here's my vent. I am trying. What more can I do?

I will take charge!...

New Leaf...I decided to take the plunge. I want to change the way things are right now at work and so I am using this platform to make a committment to myself. I have to endure this year. That is all I have to do. I do not have to be great, I don't have to win any cuddos, in fact, I will never get my principal's approval. It does not matter. I don't have to be great, I have to survive. I want to have my act so together when I get there every day that getting through the day is a walk in the park. If she comes in and is all intimidating, I will just continue and ignore her. I will concentrate on my students and what they are learning. I will continue to be a person they can relate to and someone they knows cares about them. To hell with her.

Sometimes I wish people knew how really hard it is to be a teacher. Very few I know are in the field for their subject. We are there for the students. It is the give and take of teaching on our part and the learning on theirs that fuels us. I don't know many that are just there for the job. I personally am not naive enough to think that I reach all my students. I don't even think I reach the majority on the level I would like to, but I do believe that I make a real difference for a few. Right now my focuss is on Jose. Gosh I wish I knew how to really reach him. If you are the praying kind please pray for Jose, Javier and Kyle; three little guys in my class that really have not had the self confidence or motivation or something to achieve. It is heart breaking to think that they consider success something they will never know. How do you help someone who is pretty much ignored at home and left to make their own way see that education can be a tool to help them be more. I haven't figured it out. Please let me know if have ideas.

I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about my students as individuals. Sometimes I think it is wasted energy. I am not sure it matters.

I will return.